Okay, this is post is a bit of a downer for me, but I’ve just seen a sappy Christmas movie dealing with the sadness of losing a loved one.

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Frequently, as I look at Little Dude, I think about his Great-Grandpa, my G’pa. It happened again today, as he clamped his lips shut while I was trying to figure out if he had teeth coming in – it was the stubborn look and the set of that little chin that did it.

I was a very fortunate child. I was born while two of my great-grandmothers and all four of my grandparents were still living.

I got a chance to really know my great-grandmothers as a child, and I’m so glad I did. In fact, had Little Dude been a girl, we would have used one of my great-grandmother’s names as the first name. (I remember her doting on me, as a child. She was a very proud woman and not what I would call a warm person, but I do remember her teaching me many things and that she loved me. Alzheimer’s disease took her mind from us before she physically left us.)

My dad’s mother passed away from breast cancer when I was in my early teens, and my dad’s father passed away just a few years ago.

That left my mom’s parents – G’pa and G’ma. We (my sisters and I) were closest to G’pa and G’ma as they lived near us while we were growing up, babysat us, and we just spent a lot of time with both of them.

Shortly after the Hubby and I got married (2001), G’pa got ill (and he rarely got ill – in fact he was still actively farming when this happened). I won’t go into all of the details, but we had several times where we thought we had lost him. However, miraculously, he always pulled through. Until late January 2006. He had a massive stroke and passed away a few days later.

I found out I was pregnant in May 2006. My original due date was the anniversary of G’pa’s stroke. A strange, but oddly comforting, coincidence. Especially since I was positive we wouldn’t be able to have children, a fact that was causing me a lot of stress and sadness, and was trying to talk the Hubby into looking into adoption.

So, as I sit here sometimes, watching Little Dude, I see a look and I realize, “oh my – that is one of G’pa’s looks.” He looks so much like the Hubby most days – mannerisms and all, but then I catch a glimmer in his eyes and he clamps his lips together tightly and…

…there is a glimpse of G’pa.

I so wish G’pa could have been here for this. I know he would have adored him and wouldn’t have missed any of his firsts! That is just the way he was. He was always popping in to check out what was new…

I’m grateful that Little Dude has G’ma, and both sets of his grandparents, though. He is one lucky little boy as it is…

I just wish… Well, if you met or have known my G’pa, you would understand…

Yep, I see a little bit of him in that little boy of mine. And, it is slightly comforting…

But, I still miss G’pa. What I wouldn’t give to see him holding Little Dude just once…

p.s. Happy belated anniversary G’ma – November 23. Like I said, yes, it still counts. He’s here in spirit – I see it in Little Dude (the Hubby and I refuse to take the blame for that stubborn streak he has – we’ll blame it on G’pa instead!).

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